A Skinny Girl's Guide
by abigail's.eden
Summary: After TLO. Annabeth tries to acts tough, but she's fighting a hard battle of depression, anorexia, & dangerous self-harm. Percy's oblivious for now (& Annabeth wants to keep it that way), but Thalia's beginning to notice that her best friend's smile doesn't seem to reach all the way up to her eyes anymore. How far will it have to go before someone steps in & saves her from herself?
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing of what you recognize, those rights belong to Rick Riordan. **

**Annabeth's** **POV**

Though it was almost 4:30 in the morning, I still lay awake in my bunk, shaking silently as the tears dripped onto my already soaked pillow. I didn't understand how this had happened, when it started, or even where it came from. All I wanted was someone to come to me and hold me in that moment. I needed someone to tell me I was fine. I wanted Percy, but Percy couldn't know my secrets. His obliviousness to my dangerous behaviors were a precious blessing, and I couldn't risk him figuring anything out. The only person who ever gave me strange looks when I absent-mindedly mushed my food around my plate instead of eating during meals or wore long sleeves even on the hottest summer days was Thalia, my best friend. I could tell she was suspicious, but all it took was a bite of food here and there or a reassuring smile to ease the tension.

"I am not one to be depressed. I must be strong, right, perfect, happy," I kept repeating to myself as I lay there crying. A whimper escaped my lips and a bunk across the room creaked. The tears continued to spill over as I clasped my hands to my mouth, fearing I had woken one of my half-siblings. I needed to settle down before my anxiety escalated into a panic attack, so I slowly reached under my bed frame, feeling for the cool metal of the blade. After just moments I found it and crept across the cabin floor to the girls bathroom. Once inside, I shut and locked the door, flicked on the light, and turned to face the mirror. My blonde hair was up in a messy bun and I had deep, dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. My pajamas hung baggily around my small frame. Looking in the mirror I could see the totality of my imperfections: the hideous excess weight padding my entire body; the wispies from my broken-off hair hanging around my face; dull, grey, sunken eyes; …the altogether repulsive person steadily matching my gaze. Mirrors always made things worse. I am told I'm pretty by my friends, but I don't believe them. It's easy to see through the obligatory compliments. I mean, what are they supposed to say? They're my friends; it's their job.

After the well-rehearsed staring contest always came the onslaught of thoughts, "Look at yourself. Or can you even stand to? You _are_ rather weak. As well as fat. stupid. ugly. lazy. unimportant. burdensome. replaceable… just to name a few…" On and on my mind spun until I was filled with a nauseating sense of self-hatred. Without being completely aware of my actions, I raised my right hand and brought the sharp edge of the blade across my left forearm. again and again. Soon enough I began to feel the familiar sting, a little more intense than usual. I am afraid to look down and see the war-zone that was my arm, but grateful for the sense of relief and satisfaction I got from the pain. As I lowered my gaze to my arm, I saw the blood oozing out of several deep cuts. I breathe a sigh of relief though, knowing that I didn't go too far. I can feel the strength slowly leaving my arms and legs. My vision gets spotty and I hear myself cry-out as my body collapses under its weight.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. I open my eyes and am staring at the bathroom ceiling. There is a sore spot on the back of my head and the cuts on my arm are excruciating, but other than that I seem to be okay. BANG, BANG.

"Annabeth! Are you in there? Answer me, Annabeth! I swear I will knock this door in if you don't answer me. Are you okay?" Even though my ears feel like they're stuffed with cotton I can tell it's Malcolm.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just slipped on some water that was on the floor. Sorry to wake you."

"You sure? It sounded like a pretty hard fall?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, Malcolm. I'm fine. Just go back to sleep." He stands there for a minute before I here his footsteps retreat back across the cabin floor. I push myself up, causing spots to reoccur in my vision and my head to pound. Steadying myself with the counter, I take a few deep breathes before beginning to clean up my mess. I lower my sleeve down my arm once it has stopped bleeding and ease back across the cabin to my bed. It's about 5:45 at this point and everyone will be getting up soon. I close my eyes and drift heavily off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thalia's POV**

Annabeth wasn't at breakfast today, but that isn't too unusual. She's been skipping a lot of camp meals lately. I'm beginning to get a little concerned; I can tell she has lost weight, which she really couldn't spare to lose to begin with. But whenever I confront her about it she always has a similar excuse, "I have just had so much work to do! I barely even have time to sleep!" The sleep thing is definitely believable… I mean no offense, but she had looked like the walking dead for a few weeks now. Whatever, I'm sure I'll see her at lunch at least.

I was on my way to the arena to lead my first activity of the day (sparring) when I heard someone yell, "Hey, Thalia! Wait up!" I looked back and noticed Malcolm running down the hill from the Pavilion looking a little worried.

"What's up? Is everything okay?" The look on his face was making me uneasy.

"It's just. Well, last night. It's Annabeth. I thought I heard someone crying late last night, and a little later I woke up to a shout and a loud noise from the bathroom. She was the only one out of her bed, so I knew it was her. She said she slipped on water, but she's starting to worry me. She was still asleep when we all left for breakfast. Could you just, I don't know, talk to her or something? Make sure everything is alright?"

"Hmmm. Yeah, I'll go check on her now. Would you mind teaching my sparring class for me? It starts in like two minutes."

"Sure thing! Oh, and Thalia? Don't tell her I told you that she was crying last night, okay? She'd kill me."

"Of course not. I'll just tell her it worried me when I didn't see her at breakfast. See you later!"

It's a short jog from the Mess Hall Pavilion to the Cabins, so it didn't take long for me to reach Cabin #6 and pound on the door. After a few seconds, a bleary eyed Annabeth peaks out the window, opens the door and walks back to the warmth of her bed. I follow, closing the door behind me and turning on the lights. She squints for a second at the sudden brightness. Illuminated in the light I can fully take-in how horrible she looks. Her face is incredibly pale with the darkest bags under her eyes, her pajamas have to be at least 2 sizes too big, and she's holding herself funny. Nothing like the confident Annabeth normally presented to the world.

"Good morning, Sunshine. I was worried when I didn't see you at breakfast, and then Malcolm told me to come check on you, said you fell last night or something?" She instinctively moves a hand up to the back of her head, which I'm assuming she must've hit at some point during the fall, and in doing so, her sleeve falls slightly up her arm. My eyes grow wide as I observe several cuts, old and new, etched into the skin of an alarmingly thin arm. Noticing this, she quickly lowers her arm and adjusts her sleeve.

"What was that on your arm?" I ask, a hint of panic evident in my tone.

"What do you mean? The scars? Those are just left overs from the war," she lies smoothly. But not smooth enough.

"Annabeth. Some of those cuts looked brand new. Let me see."

"No, Thalia. It's nothing, forget about it." Tears are beginning to well up in her eyes at this point.

The pain written across her face is heartbreaking. "If it's nothing, then you won't mind me having a look." My tone is gentle, yet firm. She relaxes a little, surrendering, knowing that I won't give up until she shows me. I reach across her bed and slide her sleeve part way up her arm. What I find knocks the breathe out of me. Her frail arm is covered in lacerations. Some shallow, some deep. Some old, some new. She is freely crying now, starting to shake and sob. Almost inaudibly and between gasps I can barely catch, "Please, just don't tell Percy. I'm so sorry, Thalia. I'm fine. Honest. Just, please, don't tell Percy!" I slide over and embrace her in a tight hug. My heart hurts for her. I'm scared too. This is Annabeth we're talking about. Fierce Annabeth. My best friend...

"Why?"

"I don't know!" she wails, her body beginning to violently shake. "I don't know why I'm so unhappy! I just hate myself so much." My own tears begin to fall. The minutes tick by and an hour passes as we sit on her bed, Annabeth curled into a ball at my side, my arms still hugging her close, her tears finally beginning to slow.

"You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay. We're going to get you help," I eventually say, slightly recovering from the shock of the whole situation.

She stiffens, "No! You can't tell anyone! You have to swear. Swear on the River Styx. You cannot tell a soul!"

"Annabeth, no! Why?! You're not okay. Don't you know how dangerous cutting is? And I know you hardly ever eat as well; it's called Anorexia. You could die. These things you are doing could kill you!"

"I know," she hiccups, "but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing... I don't deserve to be happy. And what's the point of living if I can't be happy?"

My heart has been slowly ripping in half since I knocked on her door this morning. How could I have not noticed how depressed she was? She was my best friend! I had known there was something going on, but I thought it was just a phase, like she was just sad or something. "You need to go to the infirmary. Maybe there is something they could do for you to help?"

"No. I won't go. You can't make me go. Everyone at Camp will find out. Chiron will find out; Percy will find out."

I knew what I had to do; I had to text Percy. He could get her to go, figure out a way to make her. "Annabeth, please. Please don't make me do something that is going to make you hate me…"

I can tell her mind is buzzing, trying to search for a way out. After a minute or so she looks around the room saying, "Okay, can I just have a minute? Take a shower, brush my teeth, and put on some fresh clothes, please?" She grabs her things and heads toward the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

I know she's just buying time. When she comes out she will have renewed vigor and a better excuse of why I don't need to take her to Big House. I have to do it. I reach in my pocket and text Percy, "You need to come to the Athena Cabin. Right now. 911." I begin to cry again as I lay back on Annabeth's bunk and stare at the ceiling, hoping Percy will get here before Annabeth gets out of the shower.


	3. Chapter 3

**Annabeth's POV**

I lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on, hot. I need to clear my head. How in the world could I have been so stupid as to let Thalia see my arm?! I've ruined it! I've ruined everything! She's not going to let this rest, and eventually everyone's going to find out. No… I couldn't handle it if that happened, but I really don't see a way out. Unless… I grab my shaving razor from my bathroom tote and step into the hot stream of water, fully clothed. My head is pounding from all the crying and the goose egg from last night's fall, but it's easily ignored. I place the plastic razor on the floor and stomp down with my foot, breaking the plastic away and exposing the blades. This is it, the only alternative. Everyone is going to hate me when they learn of all my "issues" anyways, even Percy. Who would want to be with someone so broken? And without Percy, without the friends I consider family, there is no point. I roughly shove up my waterlogged sleeves and bring the blade to my wrist and press hard, harder than I've ever pressed. A frighteningly deep gash opens and dark red blood begins pouring out of my body at an alarming rate. I carefully take the blade with the hand of my injured arm and repeat the process on my opposite wrist. It will happen quickly now. I register a few hard wraps on the door, but don't have the strength to say anything. I can't tell; maybe I'm just hearing things. I think I'm on the floor now; I can barely even feel the pain. I am slightly aware of a handsome boy busting through the door. Oh, it's Percy. I'm glad I get to see him one last time. I think he yells something at me, but I don't know what. The bathroom is slipping away from me faster now, and I finally give in to the heavy pressure on my chest. My eyes close by themselves, which is nice because all I want to do is sleep.

**Percy's POV**

I was hanging out with Blackjack, sitting on a half-door to a stall in the Pegasus Stables when I got the text. My phone vibrated with a text from Thalia. "You need to come to the Athena Cabin. Right now. 911." Something must be seriously wrong if it has Thalia freaked out. And I didn't see Annabeth at breakfast… Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I jump down and sprint towards Cabin #6. I tear through the door and look around; Thalia is lying on Annabeth's bed crying. She quickly summarizes everything for me in between her sobs. It can't be true. I don't believe it. Not my Annabeth… But the look in Thalia's eyes and the heartbreak in her voice as she relays the information to me instantly tells me this isn't some sort of sick joke.

"Where is she now?" I demand.

"She's in the bathroom. She said she wanted to take a shower." Thalia gestures to the back of the room to the door of the girls' restroom. I cover the distance in seconds and knock with excessive force on the door. The water is running, but I know she should've been able to hear me. It was LOUD. So when there is no answer, panic strikes, and my mind plays out the worst possible scenarios in my head. I begin to picture what I might find when I get the door opened. I take a step back and kick, hard. I am not prepared for what I see. A deathly pale Annabeth is laying on the shower floor, fully clothed, while tremendous amounts of crimson liquid run down the drain. "ANNABETH!" I yell rushing at her afraid I'm already too late. Her saturated pajamas stick to her body and I can see how thin she really is. How did I not notice?! Thalia has made it to the doorway by this point. I turn to her and yell, "Go! Go get Chiron! Tell him it's Annabeth!" She turns on her heal and speeds out of the cabin, heading straight for the Big House. I gingerly pick up the tiny figure of my girlfriend. She's so pale and so light it makes me sick to my stomach. She's lost too much blood already; I can't afford to waste any time. As I cradle her in my arms I take off after Thalia; praying to any god who would listen that it wasn't too late.

**Thalia's POV**

I clear the steps to the Big House, landing on my feet on the porch, fling open the door, and have just enough time to yell, "CHIRON, ANNABETH! HELP!" before I vomit into a nearby trashcan. It's just too much. This can't be happening! Chiron, already in Centaur form, bounds out of the house and leaps off the porch to meet Percy, who wasn't far behind me. Argus rushes over to me and helps me to a chair while the Healers, who have no clue what is going on, but can sense the gravity of the situation, hurry into the infirmary so they're prepared when it's time to do their duty.

It seems like only seconds later when Chiron, Percy, and the delicate, bloodstained form of Annabeth are rushing through the door and into the infirmary. I'm in shock, barely registering what is happening. I can hear a lot of tense voices coming from the room, but I'm too out of it to know what they're saying. I don't know how long it has been when Percy walks back through the door, looking pale and scared to death. He takes the seat beside me. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are set on a spot on the opposite wall. He grabs my hand tightly without ever averting his gaze and tears silently begin to stream down his cheeks. I squeeze his hand back and bawl, not knowing what is going to become of our Annabeth. The seconds turn into minutes, the minutes into hours. I can no longer hear anything from the other side of the doors, and no one has been out to update us. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. At some point I drift off into an uneasy, dreamless sleep, with Percy still clutching my hand like Annabeth's life depends on it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Annabeth's POV**

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…

My eyes are closed, but I hear the beeping and smell the sterile environment. "Hospital," my mind spits out. My body feels heavy; there is an excruciating pain resonating up my arms and through the rest of my body. I can't remember exactly what happened or why I'm here; everything is fuzzy. I wince at the throbs of pain and squirm on my bed.

"I think she's coming to…" someone whispers. "Should we wake him?"

"No. Let me adjust her pain medication; she'll be in a lot of pain. But we should leave, so they can be alone."

Someone stands up and messes with something to my right, an IV, I'm assuming, and then I hear two pairs of footsteps walk out of the room. I try opening my eyes, but I'm too lethargic to do much of anything. By the sound of their conversation, I believe Percy is somewhere in this room. I want to see him. Some of the pain is beginning to ebb away, which makes it easier to relax a little and lose myself in the "Beep. Beep. Beep." of my own heart. I try to remember exactly what happened to land me here. I am pretty sure it was something I did. Something horrible. I don't know how much time passes before I can feel the rest of my body waking up. I open my eyes slightly and the florescent brightness makes my head pound. I turn my head slightly to the left and see my handsome, sleeping boyfriend hunched in a chair beside my bed. I try to reach out for him, but white-hot pain shoots down my arm. I suck in breath through my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to scream out. I can still feel a faint throbbing sensation, but I open my eyes again. "Percy," I mumbled, deciding my voice would definitely be a less painful way to rouse him. He doesn't stir. "Percy!" I whine a little louder. This time, he opens his eyes and looks at me, jumping to his feet.

"Annabeth! Oh my gods! You're alive! It didn't look like… Oh gods, I just can't believe you're alive! I love you so much! How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" his says, words rushing out so quickly it takes a while to process them.

"I'm okay. It just hurts to move, especially my arms," I say before catching a glimpse of the blood pouring down the shower drain, Percy rushing from across the room, and finally giving in to the extreme feeling of exhaustion that seemed to be confiscating my body. That is how I got here. I tried to kill myself. How could he say he loves me after I've done something like this?! He must not know about everything else, or he definitely wouldn't be here, spending his days in a hospital, saying that he loves me. "Oh, gods, Percy! I'm so sorry! I was just… I am… How could you ever love me, especially after something like this?!" Tears fall across my face.

"Of course I love you, Annabeth," he says softly, "more than anything or anyone in the world. I'm just sorry I didn't notice how bad things were." Percy smooth's my hair and caresses my cheek, looking pained. I caused that pain. I cry even harder, my body convulsing with each gasp for air. The physical pain is blinding; the white-hot flame is back. I scream out. Percy can hear the difference in my tone and yells for a nurse. A few people run into the room and hurriedly fiddle with my medication drip again. Before they're even finished the sedative and painkillers work their magic; I once again fall into another deep, involuntary sleep.

I'm groggy, but I have no trouble opening my eyes this time. I know exactly where I am and how I got here. "How long have I been here?" I ask Percy, keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling.

"Six days. You were in really bad shape. Lost over… over 38% of your blood. The nectar and ambrosia has worked wonders though. The Healers were worried about giving you too much, but Chiron said, "Pray to every god there is and give her everything we have." It was a little iffy for a while, but you never erupted in flames." Percy says this last part with a little laugh and his signature half-grin. I manage a breathy laugh and a weak smile as well. Leave it to Percy to make a joke the one time he has every right to scream at me.

"I'm so sorry, Percy. You'll never know how much I love you."

"Trust me, I know because I love you. so much. You've no idea…" He gingerly lays down on the bed beside me, careful not to move me too much or touch my arms, which I now realize are covered in amazingly thick gauze bandages. "Chiron and I talked while you were asleep. He called in an old camper, Dr. Brain Meenks, who's now a really well known psychiatrist in the city. Apparently he works with Camp to identify any possible half-bloods that come to him for the usual stuff: ADHD, Dyslexia, and whatever… He came to evaluate you while you were asleep. Said he would need to speak with you once you were awake, but that it looked like a combination of severe Depression and Anorexia Nervosa, and that the two are commonly seen in conjunction." I breathe steadily as he speaks, taking it all in. I knew I was sick, but I didn't think I could be Anorexic. I am not skinny enough to be considered Anorexic. "He said that he would determine how often you would need to follow up with him after your initial evaluation, but that a normal mental health institution wouldn't be suitable because you're a Demigod and that could be dangerous. I know that's a lot to hear all at once, but I'm so encouraged! You're going to kick this thing in the ass!"

"Yeah," I pipe to reassure him, but I am not so confident. I don't believe that I'm anorexic; I shouldn't have to gain weight, and I will refuse to take medication that is going to cloud my head and make me freakishly happy all of the time. I just want to be Annabeth. Only, I don't remember who Annabeth is or even the last time we were the same person.

**THIS. IS. GOING. TO. BE. HELL.**

We talk for a long time about everything and nothing. The nurse comes in and adjusts my medication again and I drift off to sleep, Percy on his side next to me, comfortingly playing with the loose curls around my face.

**But maybe I'll be alright after all. **


End file.
